Carlotta,
I hope you got already my mail. I have been away since morning and I just came back just in time for dinner. I miss you...it is today that I feel comfortable in telling you openly that I LOVE YOU. I miss you so very much. It is as if a part of me has been wrenched from me and taken away. My wound is gaping and my tears are read, for she who can give me peace is far away from me. I love you. I have enjoyed the song that you 'wrote' for me...I have a lot of Celine's CDs but I have no idea if I have ever heard of this one in this way before. All I know is that you are mine and it makes me so happy.

You are my darling, it is as if I feel your footsteps coming close to me...it gives me pleasure, but it tortures too, as the sound grows louder but the person never reaches. I imagine you holding my shoulder and talking to me from behind...this is one of the ways I use to deal with the silence of your absence. I wanna hold your hands, look at your eyes, raise your dress up and scratch your back...feed you with chocolate and smear it all around your face. I will never forget the day that I met you. You remember that we began long time ago...those days that you were shocked that I am calling myself those crazy names...well, I had gotten used to the name before the troubles began...I had to quit it.

Tonight I will lay myself down to sleep as I think of you. I will caress my pillow with you in mind. I will hum a song for you and stroking your hair let you sleep on my woollen chest. I wish I could be with you on this Valentine's day...do not tell me that someone else will take my seat...as for your part, rest assured that no one takes this place...I will be with friends and relatives...

Nothing that you do not approve of will be done. Besides, my hip is not good honey. You know what - Carlotta, the good thing is that it is not exactly the hip but where it joins with the femur bone...actually the leg part (not the waist) I still can make us happy. If I were to meet you as we wanted, believe me Sweetheart, I probably could not resist your attractive self...I wanna be your man so that you are proud of me... When I talk in the house about 'ladies' I actually talk about you...it  is you that I envision and tell others how much I love you. Believe me it is not infatuation and neither is it a naive form of love...it is just wonderful that sight cannot be considered to be the monopoly of enticement to love...for us it has been knowing the heart intuitively behind what we write.

We have transcended those early stages when we wanted to impress, and now it is just us. I love you for taking me as I am...I sometimes think of those times when you will be visiting...and staying for a while before you go back to school...I had thought of you studying at my school but it is not a good idea...first, it may interfere with your studies, and secondly it may happen that you attend my class and this is against professional ethics...but you could be anywhere near me...which is extremely possible in NY. I am sure you will love our place...rather quiet but decent. I am just not given to noisy and crowded areas. A certain measure of privacy gives me a sense of identity and independence. I just dont like to be with 'everybody'...lakini I am sociable as you will learn pretty first. I am a good cook too...though I do not cook often since someone helps me with that and it is not fair to hurt people.

It is one way in which we help those who are not as privileged. Mpenzi wangu (my love) if you have not laid yourself to sleep, just imagine that your husband is there beside you and putting you to sleep with joy. I love you once more and pliz gal, you beta smail...Ai min it!

Barney